Mom's Stash: Find Out What Kind of Turd You Just Dumped

Note: I tried scanning this one straight from Mom's stash, but the quality was poor so I re-typed it.

If you've ever wanted to know what kind of shit you just took, here's a handy guide:

Ghost Shit: That is the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet.

The Clean Getaway: The kind of shit where you shit it out, see it in the toilet, but there's nothing on the paper.

Wet Shit: The kind of shit wher eyou wipe your ass 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skid marks.

The Second-Wind Shit: It happens when you're done shitting, you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and then you realize that you have to shit some more.

Brain Hemorrhage Through Your Nose Shit: The kind of shit where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

The Richard Simmons Shit: You shit so much you lose 30 pounds.

The Corn Shit: No explanation needed.

The Kling-On Shit: When you go to wipe, it's already there waiting.

The Lincoln-Log Shit: Shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking the shit into a few peices with your toilet brush.

Drinker's Shit: The kind of shit that you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread marks left on the bottom of the toilet bowl.

Blowout Shit: Preceeded by a fart so dynamic that you check the bowl afterwards for cracks.

The I Wish I Could Shit, Shit: The kind of shit where you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramping and farting a few times.

Double Flush Shit: Because of the 'crumbs'.

Spinal Tap Shit: This is the kind where it hurts so much that you swear it's coming out sideways.

Power Shit: The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your ass cheeks get splashed with toilet water.

Exorcist Shit: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your ass, splattering all over the inside of the toilet, while the whole time burning your tender ass.

Mexican Food Shit: Defies real description, must be experienced.

Peek-A- Boo Shit: Shit that comes out halfway and then goes back in, halfway out and goes back in.